Monday, May 14, 2012

Only Way Out


Form my hand to a fist,
it oozes through my fingers.
In my mind we coexist.
My blood, it still lingers.

My skin turning white,
I know I've found trouble.
My decision was right.
My head hits the rubble.

So close but yet so far,
the outcome of her rejection
gave me one more scar
to add to my collection.

Vision getting obscure,
my breathing delaying.
This is the only cure
so don't bother praying.



This is for the weekly Trifecta prompt. The rules were to use the third definition of the word "Trouble".

trou·ble noun \ˈtrə-bəl\

1 : the quality or state of being troubled especially mentally
2 : public unrest or disturbance <there's trouble brewing downtown>
3 : an instance of trouble <used to disguise her frustrations and despair by making light of her troubles

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9 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 15, 2012 at 1:31 PM

    I love the image of "it" oozing through the narrator's clenched fingers. His anger? The Trouble? Her? Any way you take it conveys the lack of control over the emotions. Great job in conveying the trouble in so few words.

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  2. AnonymousMay 15, 2012 at 5:51 PM

    I'm with Annabelle on what "it" is. I initially thought it was anger, but now I don't know :)

    The ending is chilling, so hopeless. Nice response to the trouble prompt.

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  3. PurpleMooseMay 16, 2012 at 10:58 AM

    Agreeing with Jenna on the ending. Hoping this one finds HOPE.

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  4. AimeeMay 16, 2012 at 11:15 AM

    "the outcome of her rejection
    gave me one more scar
    to add to my collection."

    If that doesn't twist your heart in a million different ways, you're a heartless alien donkey dick from the planet IFuckingHateStuff!

    I am so proud of how well you rhyme. It doesn't seem forced or pressured the way most writers feel. It shows raw talent, no question.

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  5. k~May 16, 2012 at 3:58 PM

    Nice poetic flow.

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  6. AnonymousMay 17, 2012 at 9:12 AM

    Love the suspense and imagery. We're left wondering what's to come of him. Well done.

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  7. AnonymousMay 17, 2012 at 12:07 PM

    To me, it sounds like this ended in a suicide or suicide attempt. The blood in hands could be metaphorical or real, as could the head hitting the ground. I like the mystery.

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  8. AnonymousMay 17, 2012 at 5:41 PM

    I hate/love this. So real and so well written.

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  9. AnonymousMay 17, 2012 at 7:42 PM

    Thanks for linking up with this sad little piece. It feels like it's too late to tell this guy to hang in there, but your post leaves me wanting to do just that. This is a really descriptive, powerful response to the prompt. Thank you for sharing it with us. Hope to see you back again real soon.

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