Harry And Freddy

“Look here you rosy cheeky mother fucker, If you don't get me my fucking pancakes I'm going to blow your goddamn brains out then skull fuck the shit out of you!” Said Harry Kramer to his overweight wife wile sitting in his dirty recliner.

“I'm getting your fucking pancakes, just hold your asshole shut!” She replied as she lightly smacked him over the head with today’s newspaper. She dropped it in his lap as she walked her round and blue robed self over to the kitchen to brew some of the finest pancakes (and by finest I mean best pancakes in a three feet radius) anyone has ever tasted.

Harry pulled the newspaper out of the damp plastic wrapping. “Oh, fuck! My shits all wet!” Harry said as half a cup of cold rain water poured on his pants.

“I think they got a pill for that!” She said.

“Shut the hell up, Kim!” He said frustrated. Harry read the front page of the newspaper and sighed. “Another robbery happened last night!” Harry said over the sound of the small television in front of him.

“Damn those thugs. Coming up in our state scaring our people. Who the hell do they think they are? They ought to be caught and put in jail for the rest of their life's.” Kim said. “Want bacon?” She asked.

“The fuck. Do I want bacon? Yes I want bacon!” He said bristled as his short greasy, brown, hair shined through the morning sunlight of the window of their small trailer.

“Well sorry! Last time you ain’t want no bacon!” She snapped.

“Ain’t want no bacon my bearded ass...” He muttered under his breath.

His cell phone rang loudly on the table next to him where his beer was. Everyone knew when Harry's phone went off all thanks to that annoying Dukes of Hazard horn. “Hey, it's Harry.” He said into the shitty fifteen dollar Wall-Mart phone. “Yeah, alright. Want me to bring my gear?” He asked into the mic.

“Who is it?” Kim asked.

“Goddammit woman, shut the fuck up! Can't you see I am trying to talk here?” He replied. “Alright, I'll be there in twenty, bah.” He hung up the phone. “That was Freddy.” He said to Kim.

“What did that uppity rich fuck want?” Kim asked.

“That uppity rich fuck wants me to go down there to his office and talk to him about a deal.” He said.

“Harry, when you gonna get out of this building job and start making some money? At least switch company’s so you can get paid more.” She said finishing up the pancakes.

“Look, I'm trying here but ain't nothing's opening up.” He replied as she set the plate of pancakes on his lap. “About fucking time!” He said.

“Your-fucking-welcome.” She said as he sat there and ate his pancakes.

He blindly picked a dirty pair of jeans, grabbed his backpack, and drove to his bosses office in his old, rusty, and paint chipped 1987 Chevy Silverado. It was a thirty minute drive to the office with no air conditioning. His only fun was pretended that he was driving 1971 Cuda with the air conditioning on and Lynyrd Skynyrd's Free Bird playing loudly. Eventually he made it to the small wooden building on the side of the road. He pulled up on the rocky driveway, jerking side to side. As he grabbed his backpack and left the truck a man came out of the house wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts. Harry shook the man's hand. “Hey Freddy, how ya doing?” He said.

“This mornings been a little busy but it'll get fun.” Freddy said as he laughed softly.

“So what's the fucking plan?” Harry asked.

“Hey, what's with the fucking language? Did somebody piss in your pancake batter?” Freddy replied.

“Shut your mouth and lets get to business okay?” He said.

“Alright, lets go.” Freddy said as him and Harry walked into the small building.

The building was as small in width but it was very long and very cold. “This air conditioning is fucking great.” Harry stated.

“Yeah, it took a couple extra stings to pull to get this.” Freddy replied as he lead him into a small office with a desk and a chair on each side. Freddy sat in the chair on the other side as Harry sat down in the chair in front of him. Freddy grabbed a large roll of paper from the corner out of the dozen rolls he had.

“Alright, here's the plan.” He said as he spread out the large piece of paper. On the paper was several pictures of a house in all sorts of rooms. Freddy pointed at a window next to a small child's bed with a fish tank next to it. “This window is always kept open, we can enter here.” He slid his finger down to a picture of the kitchen. “Wife's always here watching television and cooking. The children are at school and the husband's at work, this is the perfect time to get in there.” Harry looked at the pictures then up at Freddy.

“This one's a little more planned out then the last one, huh?” Harry said.

“Our last one wasn't such a success but this one will be a trillion times better. We split half the cut and you might get some A/C and a quick fuck by a cheap-o downtown.” Freddy said as Harry studied the pictures thoroughly.

“So when do we get started?” Harry asked.

“Right now, lets go.” Freddy answered as he grabbed the black backpack to the right of the desk and they both headed out of the house. Harry got into the front seat of his truck as they both tossed their backpacks in the bed of the truck.

“Where's this house at?” Harry asked.

“It's in that fucking rich neighborhood ten minutes from here.” Harry pulled out of the rocky driveway and towards Goldstone Residents, the rich neighborhood.

Harry and Freddy talked about the family and how much the might make out of it. “So there's Johnny, the son, he's four years old. The little girl is Samantha, nine years old. They're both at school til two o'clock. The man of the house is Richard, he's 32 and an officer or something in the military. Then there's the old lady, Julia, she's 30 years old and a stay at home mom.” Freddy said as he showed him pictures of the family.

“Where's the house?” He said as he pulled into the neighborhood.

“Third house on the right down this road.” Freddy replied. Harry pulled over on the side of the street in front of the house.

They each grabbed a 9mm handgun from the bags and jogged quickly into the backyard. “That fucking window's all the way up there.” Freddy said. “You still got that ladder in the bed from the Henderson's job?” He asked.

“Yeah, gimme a minute.” Harry said as he ran back to the truck and came back with a small ladder. “I think we'll have to jump.” He said. Harry set up the ladder and grabbed his bag. “See ya up there.” He said while climbing up the house. Freddy followed him.

“Dammit this house is cold.” Freddy whispered to him as they put on their ski masks.

“Keep your mind on the money, Freddy.” Harry stretched his arms side to side. “Lets do this.” He said. They both swung the packs across their backs and walked casually down the stairs into the living room. The couch to their left had a few magazines on it with a glass of water on the table in front of them. The fifty-five inch television was blaring with Rachael Ray cooking a greasy piece of chicken. There was a wall separating the kitchen from the living room; the wall only went a certain distance allowing there to be comfortable space for people to come in and out.

Harry turned into the kitchen and grabbed the woman's hair. She screamed. “Who the hell are you? What is this?” He slammed her head into the marble counter.

“Bitch, shut the fuck up before I go seven different types of crazy on your ass.” Her unconscious body fell to the floor slowly bleeding from her skull on to the tiled floor.

“Shit! Fuck! You killed her!” Freddy yelled.

“Not yet dumb ass, she's just knocked out. Get a fucking paper towel and stop the fucking bleeding!” He yelled at him as he sat her down on a chair and tied her up with a rope. Freddy applied pressure on Julia's head. Harry walked into the living room and grabbed the remote. “I can't stand this shit. What channel is Comedy Central?” Freddy looked over at Harry.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He said.

“No I'm not fucking kidding you!” Harry looked at the DVD collection. “Fuck that shit, they have a whole South Park collection.” Harry set his gun down on the table to work the DVD player. “Alright! Now we wont be so fucking bored this time.” Harry yelled.

“Bored? Last time you cut the fucking kid's tongue out and jammed it up their cat's ass!” Freddy replied.

“Oh wah, get the fuck over it!” Harry said as the South Park theme blasted on the TV.

Freddy opened up the refrigerator. “Hey! They have Coke!” Freddy said excitedly.

“Pass me a can.” Harry said. They both chilled out, drinking their sodas and watching the crazy shenanigans of the South Park boys. A few episodes and many cans of Coke later a loud and sharp scream came from the kitchen.

“Aw, fuck...” Harry grabbed his gun and walked over to Julia and smacked her on the left side of her beautiful and bloody face. “Shut up you stupid cunt! Or I will kill you.” He said staring at her with devilish eyes. Tears ran down her soft cheeks mixing with the blood. Dripping on her lap. “Hmm...I bet you taste good, don't you?” Freddy said lifting the end of her purple dress.

“Please don't hurt me! I'll give you anything!” She said. They heard the sound of the door of a truck slam shut. “Richard!” She screamed. Harry put his gun in her mouth.

“The fuck did I tell you? Freddy, get ready.” Freddy grabbed another piece of rope and a hammer from the pack and slid another chair next to Julia. “How much rope you got it there?” Harry asked.

“A lot.” Freddy laughed.

The front door opened quickly. “Baby, I got an hour of free time for lunch - what's going on here?” He said as he walked in. Freddy swung the hammer at his mouth and swung it at his left knee. Richard yelled out in pain.

“Alright, tie his ass up along with Julia.” He commanded.

“When was I the fucking bitch of the group?” Harry asked.

“Hey, I got us this job - so you can at least put in a little extra fucking work!” Freddy replied.

“Get me another soda...” Harry said as he dragged the man by his left leg.

“Who the hell are you people?” Richard said weakly while he tied him up. Harry grabbed him by his collar.

“Your worst fucking nightmare...”

Richard stared at the masked man with complete and speechless fear. “Okay good,” Harry spoke. “now that we're on the same page here I am going to inform you on what the fuck will happen: we're going to steal every mother fucking thing that catches our eye and you're going to let us.”

“Please...just don't hurt us.” Julia said.

“We'll do whatever we goddamn please.” Freddy said while tossing Harry a coke.

“What's the time?” Harry asked while opening the soda can.

“What do I look like? A fucking watch?” Freddy replied.

“It's one twenty seven.” Richard told Harry.

“Hey!” Freddy yelled as he smacked Richard across the face with his gun. “What the fuck, did I speak to you?” Harry took off his mask and let out a slow, long, breath.

“Take your mask off, it feels great.” Harry said. Freddy took his off and rubbed his hands through his hair. Resting his hands on the back of his neck, Harry stated eying Julia up and down. “What are ya thinking?” Freddy asked.

“I'm thinking about having a little fun.” Harry replied. He grabbed the end of the dress and pulled it over her thighs and in her lap. Harry rubbed his gun on her white underwear.

“Please,” She cried. “don't do anything.” The doorbell rang.

“I'll answer it.” Freddy said. “In the meantime you both shut the fuck up or I kill the wife.” Freddy opened the door just a little so the mystery person on the other side couldn't see.

“Package for...” The delivery man wearing all brown looked at the white piece of paper taped to the foot long box.

Richard screamed. “Help!”

“What's going on in there?” The delivery man said as he got on his tippy toes trying to see inside.

“Fucking a.” Freddy said as his grabbed the mans hair and pulled him into the house. Harry shot him in the leg. The man screamed as he fell to the ground. “This is what happens when you scream like a little fucking pig.” Freddy pulled him in front of the couple and put his gun to the back of the delivery man's head.

“Please don't kill me, I pay you!” The delivery man yelled. Freddy pulled the trigger. Blood splattered all over the couple. They both screamed. Harry laughed.

“What do we do with the body?” Harry asked.

“I'll deal with the body, you go get shit for us to sell.” Freddy ordered. Harry jogged up the stairs and started putting random expensive items in a brown sac he had in his back pack. Freddy pulled up another chair from their table and sat down in front of them. “So, how's your day been?” Freddy asked Richard. He lowered his head, dripping blood from his mouth. “I asked you a quest-”

“Fuck you!” Richard interrupted, spitting blood at him.

“Look here you little fucker, you're starting get on my nerves.” Freddy said as he put the barrel of the gun to Richards groin. “I will shoot your little cock off you good for nothing shit stain!”

“Puh...please, don't shoot me...” He said getting dizzy. The door opened, it was the two blonde haired children.

“Mommy! Daddy!” They both yelled. Freddy grabbed their hair and yanked then toward the chair and quickly shut and locked the door.

“Harry get down here, the children are here.” He said loud enough for Harry to hear him clearly. Harry came down the staircase with the brown bag half full.

“Got some nice fucking jewelry up there.” Harry said.

“Calm down with the fucking language, there's children present.” Freddy said. Harry chuckled. The sounds of police sirens could be heard from outside. The car door slammed. Before Harry and Freddy had time to tie the kids up there was already knocking on the door.

“If any of you say anything I'll kill the fucking boy.” Harry whispered loud enough for them to hear.

“Trust him, he will.” Freddy enforced Harry's statement. Harry jogged out the back window to meet up with the cops out front. He hid his gun on the inside of his pants behind him and walked around the house.

“Howdy officer, may I help ya?” Harry asked as he held out his hand.

“Officer Jones, nice to meet you.” He said as he shook his hand. “Someone called about gunshots being fired. Said it was coming from this house.”

“I'm sorry officer but I ain't gotta clue about what ya talking about.” Harry said innocently.

“Sir, can a step inside the house?” The officer asked.

“I don't see a problem with it. But the front door's locked, we gotta go through the back door.” Harry said leading him through the yard and inside the house. Officer Jones walked into the living room and looked to the left. He quickly went for his radio.

“Officer Jones calling for back-up!” He yelled. His right hand went for his gun. Harry shot both of the officer's knee caps. The kids screamed at the sound of the gunshots. Officer Jones looked up at the family. Harry placed his foot on the back of the officer's head.

“This...boys and girls. Is what happens when you squeal like a little pig.” Harry said as he continuously stomped on the officer's head, not stopping until it was as flat as one of his wife's horrible pancakes.

“Why did you have to kill him!” Julia screamed.

“Hey, what the fuck did I say?” Harry yelled. He moved the body over to the side and grabbed a knife.

“What are you gonna do?” Richard asked.

“What I said I was gonna fucking do.” Harry replied as he cut the ropes of Johnny and pushed him in front of his parents.

“Don't kill him!!” Julia screamed. “Take me instead!” Harry ignored the offer and raised the little four year old boy by the hair. His parents stared at him.

“Don't you fucking hurt him. I will kill you!” Richard yelled. Freddy laughed.

“Say bye fucking bye.” Harry said. Johnny cried and screamed for his life. “Yelling wont help you piece of shit.” Harry threw him to the ground and started pummeling him. Johnny eventually stopped screaming and breathing.

“I suggest you all shut the fuck up! Julia's next.” Freddy said. They continued to cry but stopped speaking. “There we go.” He said. Freddy walked into the kitchen for a glass of water. “Want anything Harry?” He asked.

“I'm alright.” Harry said piling up the bodies of the cop, the delivery man, and the bloody, bruised, and beaten body of Johnny. “Fuck! Freddy, come look at this.” Said Harry looking out of the window. Freddy rushed over.

“What is it?” He questioned while slightly moving a curtain. It was a couple cop cars outside. “Fuck, man. Alright, we can make it to the truck if we cam make sure they all are in here. Got the keys?” Freddy asked.

Harry rubbed his hand over his pocket to make the keys were there. “Yup.” Freddy grabbed the brown bag and moved upstairs. “First order of business.” Harry said. He shot the little girl Samantha between the eyes, Richard in the penis, and Julia in the vagina. Harry ran upstairs with Freddy.

“Come on!” Freddy said. The hopped out of the bedroom window and climbed down the ladder quickly with no hesitation. They hopped the right side of the fence and ran straight through their neighbors yard and jumped over that fence. While running Harry put a few bullets from his pocket in the pistol magazine and loaded it.

“Over here.” Harry said as he kicked in a glass back door. A dog and man ran onto the room. Harry shot both of them. “Grab those keys!” Harry yelled as he quickly shot the remaining family which was standing scared.

“Let's go.” Freddy said as they both went into the garage and got into the gray Ford Focus. Harry tossed the brown bag into the backseat.

“Where are we going to?” Harry asked.

“My house to get cleaned up and get a clean set of clothes. Then we hide the car and take my truck. After that we should go out to eat.” Freddy replied while driving off. - The End?